Some Funnies

[aj.lec]

The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke.."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same.."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress.. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man..

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

[Hanno Spoelstra]

Jokes from wartime dated magazines via Robert Davey:


Fifty Nazi pilots knocked at the gates of heaven and sought admittance. St Peter waved them back.
"I'm sorry" he said "but only six of you can come in"
"But there are fifty of us!" the Nazis protested.
"Maybe" replied St Peter "but Field-Marshal Goering's communique said that only six had been shot down!"
Magazine dated October 1940

Moscow radio recently declared that the following story was being told among German prisoners of war.
Hitler was inspecting the Eastern Front.
"What" he asked a German Soldier "would be your last wish if a Russian bomb fell near you?"
"I would wish" the soldier rejoined "that my beloved Fuhrer could be at my side"
Magazine dated September 1942

[Howard]

The other spin on Andrew's joke above (and this is the abbreviated version) includes a cat, who would never pay for the meals, leaving the bloke and the Emu to pay each time. Yes the emu paid for his share.
When asked his story, the bloke replied about the Genie etc etc
His wish was for "An aussie bird vith a big butt, long legs, and a tight pussy"

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

I'm sure this guy was a frustrated carrier mechanic..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kf6cHcc4KY