Some Funnies

[Barry Churcher]

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances
are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can
be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be
patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words
and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered.
Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you
can see who did this over and over and over…)

7 .Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in
352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please
refer to me as ‘Lucille’ instead of Steve

[Keith Webb]

A friend sent this to me...

[Howard]

You may insert your own teams/locations as necessary...
HH

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Bankstown and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Bulldogs fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Bulldogs fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you
raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Bulldogs fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Bulldogs fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a Cowboys fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears.
"Mary, why are you a Cowboys fan?"
"My mum and dad were born and raised in Townsville, so my mum is a Cowboys fan and my dad is a Cowboys fan, and so I'm a Cowboys fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Cowboys fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute, your dad was a drug addict, and your brother was a car thief, what would you be then?"
"Then," Mary said, "I'd be a Bulldogs fan."

[cliff]

A friend in the States sent me this one. Hopefully it is not to over the top for most of you.

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic
name. For Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is
Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After
careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means
that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

[aj.lec]

> >Craig drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car
salesroom.

>Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 120kph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the road,
enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren
blaring.

'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought Craig as he floored it to 130kph, then 140, then 150kph.
Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too honest for this
nonsense!'

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to
catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's
side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my
shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the
weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never
heard before, I'll let you go.'

Craig looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied,
'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were
bringing her back.'

'Have a good day, sir,' said the policeman.

[lynx42]

I know what the hands are thinking, but just what did Charlie-boy say to get that great smile? Every-one I've shown it to grin as well. Must be one of the best photos of Charlie ever.

[Phil]

Kevin Rudds Defence Budget Cuts


First go at posting photos , hope this works

[Noel Burgess]

Someone just e-mailed this link to me at work - It's self explanatory
http://www.contractjournal.com/Artic...-new-logo.html

Noel

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

Canadian girl from Port Perry Ontario named Playmate of the Year..
Jif needs a nice girl like this to bring to CC7..

Canadian Native Jayde Nicole Is Playboy's 2008 Playmate of the Year

LOS ANGELES, May 8 /CNW/ -- Tell the band to strike up "O Canada" --
Ontario's own Jayde Nicole, 22, is Playboy's 2008 Playmate of the Year. The
brunette bombshell is featured in a 10-page nude pictorial in Playboy's June
issue (on newsstands and at http://www.playboydigital.com Friday, May 9).
Along with her title, Jayde receives $100,000 in prize money and a 2008
Cadillac CTS. She is Canada's first Playmate of the Year since 1982 when
Shannon Tweed was honored with the title. A one-hour special of the Playboy
Playmate of the Year announcement will air May 18, exclusively on Playboy TV.
Jayde's intoxicating beauty and girl-next-door appeal has made her a
local celebrity in her hometown of Port Perry, Ontario, about an hour outside
of Toronto. Jayde owns a modeling agency called Jayde Nicole Inc. that she
founded in 2005 and had been managing the day-to-day operations of the agency
before catching Playboy's eye and landing the title of Miss January 2007.
Playboy's newest Playmate of the Year graduated with honors from Port
Perry High School in 2004, and attended George Brown College in Toronto where
she studied hotel and resort management.
Jayde is currently writing her own fitness and beauty book and has just
finished filming a pilot for a reality television show about her life. She has
also appeared in Today's Bride magazine and on the cover of American Curves.
Last year she organized her second annual charity car wash, which helped raise
money for the RED campaign to help fight AIDS in Africa.
Jayde is one of four Ontario-born Playmates, including Miss April 2004
Krista Kelly (Brampton), Miss June 2003 Tailor James (Mississauga), and Miss
January 1990 Peggy McIntaggart (Midland). Playboy named its first ever
Playmate of the Year, Ellen Stratton, in 1960.




http://jaydenicole.centerfoldheaven.com/

[Geoff Winnington-Ball (RIP)]

Originally Posted by Alex Blair

Jif needs a nice girl like this to bring to CC7...

Too young for me, ya git!! Something like that will have you for breakfast and run...

Nah, y'see it's like this, Alex... I be bringing someone to CC7 already, someone a hell of a lot more real and impressive than that fluff! So mind yer manners...

[RHClarke]

Originally Posted by Alex Blair

Canadian girl from Port Perry Ontario named Playmate of the Year..


http://jaydenicole.centerfoldheaven.com/

:

Good to see something nice (other than CMPs) come out of Southern Ontario...by the way, nice "fluff". You'll know where to find me for the next few hours.