Some Funnies

[lynx42]

Want a god laugh? Look at this ebay for sale advert and read the questions and answers at the bottom of the advert. Look at the price too. Some people are not understanding the humour.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Barn-find-ki...-/182183637723


NEW BARN FIND KIT

Add thousands to your classic cars value! Sometimes when your selling a car you need to put in some elbow grease and really present it in the best way to attract buyers and capitalize on your investment.

This amazing product is guaranteed to work on all makes and models. (*note offer not valid for JD Camira, 1st Generation Hyundai Excel, Saab 9000 turbo and AU series 1 Falcon Forte, face it your not getting your money back when you sell any of those).

Put that bucket and sponge away, what we have here is your ticket to financial freedom.

[Darrell Zinck]

Hi

A coupla good ones:

regards
Darrell

[lynx42]

TWO PRAWNS
Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea, two prawns were swimming around.
One called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn;
I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin began to realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal.
'Where's Christian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'.........
(You're going to love this................................)
.
'I've found Cod.
I'm a Prawn again Christian'

[lynx42]

Here is an e-mail sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.

Dear Mr. Page: I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins.

One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.

Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. It's offensive to us white folk.

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives.

I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.

Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!

Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. Wrong message to our children.

The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children.

The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong message to our children.

The Milwaukee Brewers. Well that goes without saying. Wrong message to our children.

So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing Congress loves.

As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the Beavers (especially when they play Southern California. Do we really want the Trojans sticking it to the Beavers???

I always love your articles and I generally agree with them. As for the Redskins name I would suggest they change the name to the "Foreskins" to better represent their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in Washington DC.

Regards Rick.

[Tony Smith]

You shouldn't laugh, I'm surprised that no-one yet has complained about one of NZ's Rugby teams, the Crusaders. Christchurch has to be one of the world's friendliest cities (lots of nice towns, but a city the size of Chch?), a truly pleasant place that would offend nobody, but someone sooner or later has to object to the name Christ-Church Crusaders as being three ways obscenely oppressive to minorities.

[Mike Cecil]

The ALL BLACKS - clearly a racist team name, surely?

We can all joke and laugh, especially on this free-ranging and very very funny thread (thanks Rick: you come up with some gems!), but I have to wonder where this revisionist history we are currently seeing in various democracies (and the USA, which is actually a Constitutional Republic, not a democracy), will end. Jokes on us. Back to the humour....

Mike

[lynx42]

Location, Location Location

You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel. By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable."

In Arizona , he'd be called "an avid gun collector."

In Arkansas , he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

In Utah , he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food."

In Kansas , he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend.

In Montana , he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."

In Idaho , he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia , he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina , Virginia , WV, Mississippi , Tennessee , Kentucky , South Carolina and Minnesota he would be called "a deer hunting buddy."

Texas he'd just be "Bubba; who's a little short on ammo."

And here in Australia they would call out the Army to deal with him.