Some Funnies

[motto (RIP)]

Seeing the discussion in regards to petrol cookers reminded me of an old joke that some may not have heard before.
A not so sharp paratrooper was falling to earth with an unopened chute when he saw a soldier coming up toward him. As he got closer he yelled 'Know anything about parachutes?' As he went past the fellow yelled back. 'Nah! Know anything about petrol stoves?'

David

[lynx42]

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:


Dear Jason,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love,
Becky

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Jason included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Jason.

[Hanno Spoelstra]

Typical Dutch ingenuity:

image.jpg

[lynx42]

A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle is gobbing off how lazy British truck drivers are. He's bragging that he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, Belgium up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in just two days. This old Geordie man mutters up, "Ah, way ay I used to pick up me load in Newcastle, drop off in Hamburg and be back in Newcastle for a fish and chip supper the same day". The gobby German trucker says, " Oh yah, vot rig were you driving then?" After taking a long swig of his Pint of Newcastle Brown, the old fella replies..........
"A LANCASTER BOMBER!!..

Regards Rick.

[colin jones]

Three Aussie Telecom blokes Mongrel, Coot and Bluey are working in the outback up a mobile phone tower.
As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly...

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.

Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.

Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.
'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken.. I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are..'

Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff...

[Darrell Zinck]

Springtime in Canada:

Q-What follows two days of rain?

A- Monday.

regards
Darrell

[Private_collector]

After World War Two had ended, an English couple adopted a young German child, Wolfgang, who had become orphaned during the war. For five years they cared for the boy and gave him all the love he ever needed, but despite their best efforts, Wolfgang never spoke a single word. Being convinced this was a result of mental trauma, they didn't make a big deal about it, and just accepted that the poor lad may never speak again. One day, the mother decided to bake Wolfgang a special treat for his birthday, a nice apple strudel. The mother and father presented the pastry to the child and wished him happy birthday. Upon tasting the delicacy, Wolfgang turned to his adopted parents and clearly said.....This Apple Strudel is Tepid! The parents were instantly shocked at the statement, and more so for the fact Wolfgang had spoken. After regaining their composure, they asked the boy why he had chosen that moment to speak after being silent for all those years. Wolfgang looked at them both with a puzzled expression on his face and simply replied.....UNTIL NOW EVERYTHING HAS BEEN SATISFACTORY!!!