Some Funnies

Little Jo · #1 10-11-13, 08:49

Goo'bye Gran'Dad!
Only Australians can write poetry, and relate to Australian icons!

If you have a good memory, lived on a farm or ever went camping,
you will know what's meant, when you read this Classic Aussie Poem.

Poor old Gran'Dad's passed away, cut off in his prime,
He never had a day off crook - gone before his time,
We found him in the dunny, collapsed there on the seat,
A startled look upon his face, his trousers around his feet.

The doctor said his heart was good - fit as any trout,
The Constable had ta have his say, 'foul play' was not ruled out.
There were theories at the inquest of snakebite with no trace,
Of redbacks quietly creeping and death from outer space!

No-one had a clue at all, the Judge was in some doubt,
When Dad was called to have his say as to how it came about,
'I reckon I can clear it up,' said Dad with trembling breath,
'You see it's quite a story - but it could explain his death!'

'This 'ere 'exploration mob' had been lookin' at our soil,
And they reckoned that our farm was just the place for oil,
So they came and put a bore down and said they'd make some trials,
They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about three miles!

Well, they never found a trace of oil and off they went, post haste,
And I couldn't see a hole like that go to flamin' waste,
So I moved the dunny over it - real smart move I thought,
I'd never have to dig again - and never be 'caught short'.

The day I moved the dunny, it looked a proper sight,
But I didn't dream poor Gran'Dad would pass away that night!
Now I reckon what has happened - poor Gran'Dad didn't know
The dunny was re-located, when that night he had to go.

And you'll probably be wondering how poor Gran'Dad did his dash?
Well, he always used to hold his breath........
Until he heard the splash!!

Hanno Spoelstra · #2 10-11-13, 23:04

And oh, speaking of dams.....

universalgrl · #3 15-11-13, 01:05

Over heard at a bar one night.
Two of Canada's finest airborne soldiers where arguing over who had the most completed jumps.
The first of canada's finest boasted that he had 178 completed jumps without an injury.
The second of Canada's finest boasted that's nothing I've got 286 completed jumps.
An old man sitting in the corner nursing a beer piped up and said I've jumped out of a plane.
One of the airborne soldiers said when did you jump out of a plane grandpa.
The old man slowly got up and made his way over to the bar.
He pulled a battered piece of cloth from a pocket and threw a well worn Pegasus shoulder patch on the bar between the two solders.
He said 4 jumps, two practice, D Day, and Arnhem.

Honor those who have gone before!

Comox Air Force Museum · #4 16-11-13, 21:32

Great video of the Dutch Army bicycle band. Sure to bring a smile to your face. Enjoy!
Rob

http://www.flixxy.com/the-dutch-army-bicycle-band.htm

hrpearce · #5 16-11-13, 22:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by Comox Air Force Museum

Great video of the Dutch Army bicycle band. Sure to bring a smile to your face. Enjoy!
Rob

http://www.flixxy.com/the-dutch-army-bicycle-band.htm

Amazing!

Darrell Zinck · #6 07-12-13, 21:32

Yesterday I was at my local Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What? Did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 lbs before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.

motto · #7 08-12-13, 04:56

Superman had an appointment with the Police Chief in the Metropolis and was a bit late. The Chief commented on it saying that Superman was usually dead on time and that it must have been something important that delayed him.
Superman went on to explain that he had been flying across country when he saw Wonder Woman lying on a river bank flat on her back, stark naked and looking like she was ready for anything so he dropped down and jumped on for a little 'afternoon delight'.
The Chief said,"I bet that gave her a surprise', to which Superman replied, 'Not as much as the surprise I gave the Invisible Man!'

Apologies if this has appeared here previously, I can't remember where I got it from but recently told it to a couple of middle aged female friends discussing Marvel super heroes and they thought it was absolutely hilarious.

David