Some Funnies

[Ganmain Tony]

Four Union reps were at an outdoor barbeque during a convention and discussing how smart their dogs were.

The first bloke was from the Brewers Union and he turned to his dog & instructed it to get a jug of beer and pour it out evenly into three glasses. The dog did this without any trouble.

The second fellow, who was from the Bakers Union claimed he felt his dog could out do the first. He instructed his dog to get a tray of biscuits and divide it into four even piles. The dog accomplished the task without a flaw.

The third chap was from the Architects Union. He admitted the both dogs were clever but thought that his could beat them both. He turned to his dog & told it to go & draw a square, a circle & a triangle on a white board. The dog accomplished the task easily.

They all turned to the fourth bloke who was from the Water Side Workers Union and said "What can your mongerel do mate???"
The bloke turned to his dog, who's name was 'Tea Break' & said "Show these bastards what you can do mate!!!"

Tea Break ate all the biscuits, drank all the beer, pissed on the white board, screwed the other three dogs, compained he had hurt his back, filed a workers complaint & shot through on sick leave.......

[colin jones]

John O'rielly hoisted his beer and said,"Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now, and what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife".
"Oh, thats very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

[aj.lec]

**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**

**'Hello?'**

**'Hi honey.**

**This is Daddy.**

**Is Mommy near the phone?'**

**'No, Daddy.**

**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**

**After a brief pause,**

**Daddy says,**

**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**

**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**

**Right now.'**

Brief Pause.

**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**

**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**

**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**

**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**

**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**

**A few minutes later**

**The little girl comes back to the phone.**

**'I did it, Daddy.'**

**'And what happened, honey?' **

'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**

**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**

**And now she isn't moving at all!'**

**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**

**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**

**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**

**And into the swimming pool.**

**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**

**Last week to clean it.**

**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**

*****Long Pause*****

*****Longer Pause*****

*****Even Longer Pause*****

**Then Daddy says,**

**'Swimming pool? ...........**

**Is this 486-5731?'*

**No, I think you have the wrong number.........