Some Funnies

[Kuno]

Got this one from a colleague in Thailand:


It is low season in a small town in northern Issan, it is raining so there is not too much business happening, and as usual business and everyone else is heavily in debt.

Luckily, a farang tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a 1000 baht note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.

The hotel owner takes the banknote in hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes 1000 baht.

The butcher takes the money and races to his wholesale supplier to pay his debts.

The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay 1000 for pigs he purchased some time ago.

The farmer triumphantly gives the 1000 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit.

The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she owed the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain her clients.

At that moment, the farang tourist is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his 1000 note back and departs.

Now, there was no profit or income, but everyone no longer has any debt and the small townspeople look optimistically towards their future and continue to make a living.
Thai Logic Works.

[Kuno]

And I liked this one:

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

[Darrell Zinck]

Hi

I too must apologive for not being around here much.

Can I make it up to you with this joke?

Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk Samoan led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.

'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friend's asked.

'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Maori clock' he drunkenly replied.

'A talking Maori clock - seriously?'

'Yup.' 'Hmmm (hic).'

'How's it work?' the second friend asked, squinting at it.

'Just watch' he said.

He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and stepped back.

His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.

Suddenly, a Maori voice from the other side of the wall screamed,

'For f*#k's sake, you stupid coconut . It's ten past three in the f*#king morning !!!'

I got it as an email from a fellow Canuck who, as far as I know has no Samoan or Maori connections.

regards
Darrell

[hrpearce]

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.'

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p..m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you $500?'

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.'

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player

[aj.lec]

Vet school

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their first
anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a
white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary
Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor:
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal
body". For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his
finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his
mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students..

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually
took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on
it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The
second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's
tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid."

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

Funniest tax time add staring Newfoundland's funny man Rick Mercer..and the man in black...a reminder for Rick to pay his taxes..
Hope you get a laugh out of this ..It's a couple of years old but I still t6hink it is one of the funniest adds on You Tube..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_XT-T_naCA&NR=1

[Keith Webb]

This would have to come under the banner of bizarre, but is nonetheless an interesting use of flash animation with some clever 'rag doll' kinetics thrown in.
She's falling