Some Funnies

[Howard]

Condom factory burns down in New Zealand:
Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
Hillen, its the hilth Munister here.* Sorry to bother you at thus hour bit there is an umerguncy!!* I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground.* It is istimated that the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week.
PM:* Shut !!* The economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies.* W' ill be ruined.*
Hilth Munister:* We're going to hef to shup some in from Brutain?
PM:* No chence.* The Poms will have a field day on thus one.
Hilth Munister:* What about Australia?
PM:* I'll call Kivin Rudd.* Tell hum we need one million condoms, ten enches long and eight enches thuck. That way they'll continue to respect the "all blacks".
Three days later a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes that arrived at the Pist Office.
She finds one million condoms.* 10 enches long, 8 enches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one.
MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE:* MEDIUM

[Rob Beale]

A young Aussie bloke was traveling through Europe on his OE.
He was getting concerned at his lack of success with the opposite sex, so asked his Commonwealth cousins for some help.

The Canadian said he knew a young girl from his country, and sent him over to meet her, and a short time later the boy from Oz returned with a bright red slap mark on his cheek.

So they asked him what happened, and he said he asked her: “Do ya screw?” and she slapped him!

The Kiwi said to him, “Look mate you have to sweet talk them, ask them about their favorite pets, books they’ve read or movies they’ve seen, and things they like to do”.

So off he goes to meet a young Kiwi lass, and sure enough he returns with the other cheek slapped.

So they asked him what happened, and he said he asked her “What was her favorite pet? Read any good books? Seen any good movies? Want to screw?” and she slapped him!

The Brit said look, you have to make her feel special, and valued, like she’s a model!

So he spies an Aussie Sheila and wanders over to her. This time the “cousins” move nearby to watch.

And he says: “Are you a model? What’s yer favorite pet?, Read any good books? Seen any good movies? Do ya screw?”



And the Aussie Sheila drawls: “Not till I met you, ya sweet talking bastard!”