Some Funnies

[Keith Webb]

A no-armed man named Alexei Blairski goes into a church and asks if he can get a job there. The man he talks to says, "The only job we have is the person who tells our bell ringer when to ring the bell every hour." Alexei Blairski accepts the job.
The next day on his first day of work, he tries to find the man to tell him it's two o'clock. When he cannot find the man, he panics and rings the bell by banging his forehead against it. Only afterward does he realize that the man he was looking for was on the other side of the bell tower. Unfortunately, the man is so surprised, he falls off the tower and onto the street below.
By some miracle, he survives. After pushing his way through a crowd that had gathered around the man, the town mayor comes to the man and asks: "Who did this to you?" The man responds, "I don't remember his name, but his face rings a bell."

Now as extra punishment read these 6 times out loud:

Did you hear the joke about the jump rope?
Skip it.

Did you hear the joke about the airplane?
It's way over your head.

Did you hear the joke about the river?
It's water under the bridge.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

Why did the boy fall off his bike?
Because his mum threw a fridge at him.

Have you heard they have proven that plants can communicate feelings? It can't speak, but when you squash a grape it gives a little wine.

-Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-Interrupting cow.
-Interrupting cow wh--?
-MOOO!

-Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-Banana.
-Banana who?
-Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-Banana.
-Banana who?
-Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-Orange.
-Orange who?
-Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?