| How To Grow Old In A Positive Way |
| by Stanley Scislowski
Perth Regt, 5th CDN ARMD DIV, 1943-1945 |
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| 1. If you think you’re going to die, for gosh sakes don’t die on the weekend, it disrupts your friends’ free time... hang on at least till Tuesday. |
| 2. Demand respect... if you don’t get it, wave your cane at ‘em like you’re going to belt ‘em, or better still, run ‘em down with your wheelchair. |
| 3. If you want to do something with that fine figure you were once proud of... either get an extra-strong corset, or work the flab off. Stop eating. Get back into sex again. |
| 4. If you’re a man, stand closer to the urinal. Those tell-tale wet spots on your shoes and trousers will give you away every time. And make sure you zip your fly all the way up. |
| 5. Have fun. Always have fun. Trade canes with your old fogey buddies. Swap dentures. Read comic books, or better still, subscribe to Hustler Magazine. Quit reading the obituaries. |
| 6. Feel a stroke coming on? Get drunk. Are your male hormones acting up every once in a blue moon? Rent a hard-core porno movie and fantasize, fantasize, fantasize! Better still, get into the Viagra habit. |
| 7. If your internal plumbing is working right - rejoice! Otherwise, always pay a visit to the ‘john’ after you have a nightcap. Taps have been known to leak. |
| 8. Think young.
Think that you can still hack it with the best of the studs. Hold on to
your memories. Hold on to your values. Hold on to something - anything.
Hold on to your son’s arms. And most important of all, hold on for
dear life - it’s the only one you’ve got. |
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