New security system for the house/barn...

[Bob Carriere]

How to install a security system for the Hammond Barn:
> > > >
> > > > 1. Go to the Goodwill Store and buy a pair of men's work boots, size
> > > > 14-16 (well used).
> > > >
> > > > 2. Place them on the front porch along with a copy of Guns and >>>>>> Ammo magazine.
> > > >
> > > > 3. Put a couple of BIG dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
> > > >
> > > > 4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Hey Bubba!
> > > >
> > > > Big Jim, Duke, Slim and Me gone for more ammo and beer. We'll get back in about 1 hour. Don 't mess with the pit bulls--they got after the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked some of the dogs in the house and some in the barn.
> > > >
> > > > Better just wait outside by the curb 'til we get back.
> > > >
> > > > Cooter
> > >
> > >
> > >
......from the peaceful 'burg of Hammond
Boob

[Phil Waterman]

I've made a few corrections to make this a little more Hammond specific.

Originally Posted by Bob Carriere

How to install a security system for the Hammond Barn:
> > > >
> > > > 1. Go to the Goodwill Store and buy a pair of men's work boots, size
> > > > 14-16 (well used).
> > > >
> > > > 2. Place them on the front porch along with a copy of Guns and >>>>>> Ammo magazine.
> > > >
> > > > 3. Put a couple of REALLY BIG CAT FOOD dishes next to the boots and magazine.
> > > >
> > > > 4. Add a set of really big and deep cat scratches at the top of the door casing.> > > >

> > > > 5. A little dark red paint on the walk under the mail box would be a nice touch.

> > > >6. Leave a note on your door that reads:

> > > >
> > > > Hey Bubba!
> > > >
> > > > Big Jim, Duke, Slim and Me gone for more ammo and beer. We'll get back in about 1 hour. Don 't mess with the CATS--they got after the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. The Game Warden was by AGAIN said that the CATS have been RUNNING Moose AGAIN this time they took down a bull moose. Anyway, I locked some of the CATS in the house and some in the barn. Don't go walking through the trees Killer did come when I called him, think he still hunting
> > > >
> > > > Better just wait outside by the curb in your car till we get back.
> > > >
> > > > Cooter
> > >
> > >
> > >
......from the peaceful 'burg of Hammond
Boob