Warning Lables......

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

With the holiday seasons now approaching and many visitors expected to visit our fair lands,a wee drop of the Christmas cheer is usually offered to our guests and visitors....
The Canadian Gumint in all it's wisdom ,having control of the LEGALLY manufactured alcoholic beverages has decided to issue new warning lables on all of our products that are usually consumed at this time of year...
These warning lables are for information only for our guests and to be disreguarded by native born Canadians who are naturally imune to the effects of our local alcoholic beverages....and besides ,who the Fu*k is going to listen to some lilly livered Canadian politition...
But you Ozzies pay attention,if you are visiting this year...
Here goes...

Canadian liquor manufacturers have accepted the Health Canada's suggestion
that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of
alcohol containers:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass
kicked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel gode

Hey Alex ...

[Snowtractor]

Where the hell were the warnings when I needed them...erm, I mean a close friend of mine needed them...always a dollar short and a day late.
Sean

ps: also...warning: consumption of alcohol may cause the opposite sex to appear more attractive than reality.

Warning: consumption of alcohol can make really bad decisions, seem like the right thing to do at the time.

Warning: consumption of alcohol and quickie marriages may cause long term health problems.

Originally posted by Snowtractor
Where the hell were the warnings when I needed them...erm, I mean a close friend of mine needed them...always a dollar short and a day late.
Sean

ps: also...warning: consumption of alcohol may cause the opposite sex to appear more attractive than reality.

Warning: consumption of alcohol can make really bad decisions, seem like the right thing to do at the time.

Warning: consumption of alcohol and quickie marriages may cause long term health problems.

I agree 100% with you Sean because I know these warnings to be often sadly true. Peoples LIVES are effected on EVERY LEVEL. Can't UNDO some stuff. Damage control? Sometimes too late.

Wisdom ... wise words.

[Bruce Parker (RIP)]

The consumption of alcohol causes thoughful people to engage in deep discussions about the human condition, thereby solving all the worlds problems. Usually about 3:00AM. Messrs. Winnington's Ball, Skag, Miztal and others will confirm this is true. Darn it all that none of us possessed the wherewithal to write it down.

[Jon Skagfeld]

Originally posted by Bruce Parker
The consumption of alcohol causes thoughful people to engage in deep discussions about the human condition, thereby solving all the worlds problems. Usually about 3:00AM. Messrs. Winnington's Ball, Skag, Miztal and others will confirm this is true. Darn it all that none of us possessed the wherewithal to write it down.

Write it down???

Ferchrissakes, at 300 AM, whoinhell can manipulate a writing instrument?

No problem cracking another beer, but hand/eye coordination could be a problem.

Not so with solutions to world's problems. Maybe a recording device, like a Dictaphone,: would help to preserve these manifestations of divine thought.

(Did I say that?)

[Bruce Parker (RIP)]

A recording device? Yes...A RECORDING DEVICE!!

Surely that is the answer! But wait, it just may collect some of the ancillary noises that are the inevitable by-product of solving-all-the-world's problem. Grunting, farting, snoring, inappropriate comments about loving spouces. Somehow this might leave one open to malicious litigation and extortion. You sure the world's worth it?

Treats are in the mind of the drunken beholder I s'pose

Trick-or-treaters in Saskatoon surprised to get beer
from neighbourhood house

Mon Nov 1, 4:05 PM ET


SASKATOON (CP) - It's a far cry from chintzy half-sized Mars Bars and
tiny misshapen Tootsie Rolls.

A trio of young trick-or-treaters was left a little dumbfounded Halloween night when a
neighbourhood house began handing out cans of beer instead of candy.

Dave Kozicki said his nine-year-old son and two friends were nearing the end of their
route at about 7 p.m. Sunday when a man, apparently drunk, tossed the unwanted
treat into their bags and told them not to come back.

"Firstly you think it is kind of funny, but then I started thinking who knows what other
stuff is going on and what else he is doing," Kozicki said. "I figured at the very least
police should know about it."

Officers charged a 53-year-old man with distributing alcohol to minors - a ticketable
offence. His name was not released.

The beer - three cans of Kokanee - was confiscated as part of the investigation,
Kozicki said.

"I was kind of concerned because they were nine years old. It's not like they were 16,"
he said. "I suppose a 16-year-old might appreciate it, but my kid and his buddies just
thought it was kind of odd."

PS: Be sure and make copies of any middle-of-the-nite recordings ... many would enjoy the education AND the enlightnment

MA

[Jon Skagfeld]

Originally posted by Bruce Parker
A recording device? Yes...A RECORDING DEVICE!!

Surely that is the answer! But wait, it just may collect some of the ancillary noises that are the inevitable by-product of solving-all-the-world's problem. Grunting, farting, snoring, inappropriate comments about loving spouces. Somehow this might leave one open to malicious litigation and extortion. You sure the world's worth it?

Screw the world...after all gravity is a myth...the earth sucks.

In the absence of a Dictaphone : , let the scribes in their garrets, with sheets of parchment before them, in the light of their guttering candles throwing shadows on the wall from their quill pens, record the words of wisdom uttered by MLU cognescenti!

Burp.

[Geoff Winnington-Ball (RIP)]

Originally posted by Vets Dottir
PS: Be sure and make copies of any middle-of-the-nite recordings ... many would enjoy the education AND the enlightnment

MA

Ma-ma, I rather suspect that sometime in the foggy future, YOU will be in charge of the Enlightenment Recording Department...

In the meantime, Jon is waxing poetic, so I suspect we'd best leave him to it... you never know what come out (of either end) next...

[Snowtractor]

Gasp, gag , choke, cough....what the hell! Ain't none of you heard about the "chicken blood oath", or " what happens on tour stays on tour" . I refuse to be bound by my drunken spoutings that can not be refuted by sober protestations the next day. Can any of you afford the things on Saturday, that you bought on Friday night!!?? That is what " I don't remember" was invented for. Any recording device in my presence during the consumption of consumables will be peed on.
Sean

Originally posted by Geoff Winnington-Ball
Ma-ma, I rather suspect that sometime in the foggy future, YOU will be in charge of the Enlightenment Recording Department...

In the meantime, Jon is waxing poetic, so I suspect we'd best leave him to it... you never know what come out (of either end) next...

Hmmm... Oh Master Sunray : tsk tsk tsk ... shoreley me wee bittie Canadian Pixie Wizard, you jest? I'll not risk noxious fumes of either end, or jangled nerves and offended sensitivities, by any of the likes of you-all ... there are ways around this little problem of recording these without exposing myself to unpleasantries.

Yes ... MA need not suffer indignities to her sensitivities ... whilst you lot rock-n-roll with 'em.

Jon ... nice comment regards screw the world because gravity/world sucks ... never thought of it like that. Did you think that up at 0300???

[Jon Skagfeld]

Originally posted by Vets Dottir
Hmmm... Oh Master Sunray : tsk tsk tsk ... shoreley me wee bittie Canadian Pixie Wizard, you jest? I'll not risk noxious fumes of either end, or jangled nerves and offended sensitivities, by any of the likes of you-all ... there are ways around this little problem of recording these without exposing myself to unpleasantries.

Yes ... MA need not suffer indignities to her sensitivities ... whilst you lot rock-n-roll with 'em.

[Jon ... nice comment regards screw the world because gravity/world sucks ... never thought of it like that. Did you think that up at 0300???]

Yeah...got it on tape.

Originally posted by Jon Skagfeld
Yeah...got it on tape.

Way to go Master Skagman dude!