Some Funnies

[aj.lec]

> > A married couple was in a terrible accident where the
> > man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the
> > husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body
> > because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate
> > some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body
> > that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come
> > from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they
> > would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they
> > requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After
> > all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was
> > completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.
> > He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his
> > friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful
> > beauty! One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was
> > overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear,
> > I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
> > How can I possibly repay you?"
> > "My darling," she replied,
> > "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother
> > kiss you on the cheek."
> >
> > If this doesn't make you smile ~ nothing will!

[Bob Doak]

This is a test to prove or disprove the age old adage that a dog is "man's best friend":

Place your wife and your dog in the trunk (boot) of your car and return in one hour and see which one is glad to see you.

[chris vickery]

A Hells Angels biker enters a bar in downtown Toronto with his pet monkey.
The barman tells the biker that his pet is not allowed into the establishment as he is sure to cause disruption to the other patrons. Convincingly, the biker explains that his pet is really well behaved and IF he does get into any nonsense he will gladly pay for the damages. Reluctantly the barman agrees to the monkey being allowed to stay.
Shortly afterwards, the monkey, doing things monkeys do, decides to start playing and running up and down the bar; he's into the peanuts, stealing stuff etc. The barman is not happy and warns the biker to control his pet or leave. Well, next thing the monkey leaps onto the pool table and eats the cue ball. The barman, furious, kicks the biker and his monkey out.

Two weeks later the same guy returns with his monkey. The same barman is on staff and stops him immediately. You can leave my bar right now he pleads, considering the bad behaviour he had last time and the cost of replacing the cueball. The biker settles up for the damages and once again re-assures him that this time the monkey will behave himself. OK, says the barkeep, business is slow today and I can use the sales.

After a short time a good looking blonde mozies up to sit beside the biker. The monkey starts his nonsense again. After some idle chatter, the biker offers to buy her a drink. The barman delivers a fancy cocktail topped with a cherry. The drink barely hits the bar and the monkey reaches in and swipes the cherry. He then proceeds to stuff it up his a**, pulls it out and eats it... That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen, exclaims the blonde!
The biker, laughing this time says:
Since the last time we were here and he ate the cueball he now checks everything for size first...

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

Strange chaps..but funny..

http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=H6h8i8...eature=related

http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrzovx...eature=related

http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=3pcePH...eature=related