Some Funnies

[Hanno Spoelstra]

Originally Posted by Bill Murray

Did you mean to reference Lynx 42 post or mine????

Bill,

Sorry, yours! Now corrected.

Had to look up NSFW.....you learn something everyday.

Hanno

[Hanno Spoelstra]

Endless possibilities for making fun about this

image.jpg

[lynx42]

IDIOT SIGHTING.
My son and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.' The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING.
We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.' We haven't used that repairman since...this happened in Ipswich, Qld.
IDIOT SIGHTING.
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P & W office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
Story from Bairndsale Victoria.
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.
My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco.She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Bankstown, Sydney.....
IDIOT SIGHTING.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
This happened in Elizabeth S.A.
IDIOT SIGHTING.
The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She is a government employee in ATO Newcastle NSW
IDIOT SIGHTING.
When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....

[Howard]

Some of you will love these (like me, Ryan...) Some of you won't
Source Here
star destroyer.jpg tie fighter.jpg xwing.jpg
Some people have got photoshop skills!

[Darrell Zinck]

Teacher Arrested At Airport

A high school teacher was arrested today at the Toronto Ontario Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne
said she believes the man is a member of the notorious
extremist Al-Gebra movement.

She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the RCMP with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Premier said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns"; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Trudeau said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

[lynx42]

Do you know why our Government is in the shape that it's in! How could anyone be this DUMB? I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration. Like manure, you just got to spread it around.

This is priceless funny stuff; but alas, is only a small indication of how much trouble our country is in.

A Canberra airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble:

1. I had a politician Julie Bishop ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. I ask you, on an aeroplane?

2. I got a call from a Queensland politician (Katter) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to CapeTown . I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with,” I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Queensland”. Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, “Cooktown is in Qld, Capetown is in Africa.” His response, silence.

3. Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando .
He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, “don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.”

4. I got a call from a politician’s wife Landra Reid who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?” I said, “No” She said, “But they look so close on the map”.

5. Aide for a cabinet member Janet Napolitano once called and asked if she could rent a car in Sydney. I pulled up the reservation and noticed she had only a 1-hour layover in Sydney. When I asked her why she wanted to rent a car, she said, “I heard Sydney was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.”

6. Independent(Wilkie)called last week. He needed to know how it was possible that his flight from Sydney left at 8:30a.m., and got to Perth at 8:33a.m. I explained that Sydney was three hours ahead of Perth , but he couldn't understand the concept of time zones.
Finally, I told him the plane went really fast, and he bought that.

7. Former Federal Treasurer Joe Hockey called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?” I said,”No, why do you ask?” He replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I think that's very rude.” After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. I was dying laughing. I came back and explained the city code for Fraser Island is (FAT - Fraser Air Terminal),the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. Senator Bronwyn Bishop a former Speaker of the House and a serial travel extravagant (at taxpayers’ expense) called to enquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”


9. I just got off the phone with a Labour politician, Peter Garrett who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?”
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have that number on them.”

10. Peter Slipper, Queensland Snoozetician called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?” I asked if he meant fly to Pensacola, Florida on a commuter plane.
He said, “Yeah, whatever, smarty.”

11. Mary Landrieu, Kevin Rudd's aide called and had a question about the documents she and her boss needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. “Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this, she said “Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express”

12. Former Prime Minister Julia Gillard called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.” I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said. “Are you sure that's the name of the town?”
“Yes, what flights do you have?” replied Ms Gillard. After some searching, I came back with, “I'm sorry, I've looked up every airport
code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
Julia said, “Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don't mean Buffalo, do you?” The reply, “Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”

[Darrell Zinck]

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snow ploughs can get through”.

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through”.

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.

You must park...." Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get
through?"

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to peroxide blondes exhibit, the husband replied,

"Why don't you just leave the bloody car in the garage this time?"