Some Funnies

[Ganmain Tony]

Amanda, Felicity and Grace haven't met each other since leaving boarding school in Sydney. Amanda and Felicity both now live in England and since Grace was travelling there on holidays with Dudley, they caught up on Facebook and agreed to meet in London for lunch.

Amanda arrives first wearing a beige Versace dress and orders a bottle of champagne. Felicity arrives next wearing a classy looking grey Chanel number. After the initial hugs and kisses Amanda joins Felicity in a glass of champagne. Then Grace walks in, wearing a faded old tee shirt, blue jeans and battered old riding boots.

Amanda explains that after attending Oxford University, she married Julian, a partner in a London law firm and they bought a house in Kent. Susanna, their daughter is in the British equestrian team for the upcoming Olympics and they have a holiday home in Portugal.

Felicity tells them how she studied medicine in Edinburgh before becoming a surgeon. Her husband Phillip is an investment banker. They live in Surry, have an apartment at Knightsbridge and a holiday home in Italy.

Grace then explained that after leaving school she became pregnant and married Dudley, who has a struggling sheep farm, but she was proud of the fact he could stand five parrots, side by side on his erect penis.

Several hours later and halfway through the third bottle of wine Amanda bursts into tears and blurts out that her husband is really a plumber, her daughter has never ridden a horse and they live in a Manchester bed sit. Felicity shamed by her friend's honesty confesses she trained as a nurse's-aid and works at an old folks home with her husband. They own a caravan and once went on a camping holiday to Surry. Grace then sheepishly admitted that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg and flap its wings to stay on.

[Bruce MacMillan]

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to Brazil. He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction

[Bruce MacMillan]

England has signed with three new sponsors for their football team

[Ganmain Tony]

After watching Uraguay's loss which saw them eliminated from the tournament, I just felt their attack lacked a bit of bite...