Some Funnies

[aj.lec]

A Tap on the Shoulder

A supposedly true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times . . ..
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver
a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the kerb and
stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.
Then the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said,
"I didn't realise that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly.."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault.
Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

[motto (RIP)]

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam in Canberra. It's gridlocked, nothing can move at all.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?.
"Terrorists have stormed parliament house during a sitting and have taken all our MPs hostage. They're asking $100 million ransom otherwise they are going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving on average?" The driver asks.
The man replies, "roughly about four litres".

David

[Keith Webb]

Life imitates art...

[colin jones]

Two old guys, one 70 and one 75, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 75-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 75-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 70-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want five loaves."

She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to eat the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me"

[Keith Webb]

This is good...