Some Funnies

[Comox Air Force Museum]

Great video of the Dutch Army bicycle band. Sure to bring a smile to your face. Enjoy!
Rob

http://www.flixxy.com/the-dutch-army-bicycle-band.htm

[hrpearce]

Originally Posted by Comox Air Force Museum

Great video of the Dutch Army bicycle band. Sure to bring a smile to your face. Enjoy!
Rob

http://www.flixxy.com/the-dutch-army-bicycle-band.htm

Amazing!

[Darrell Zinck]

Yesterday I was at my local Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What? Did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 lbs before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.

[motto (RIP)]

Superman had an appointment with the Police Chief in the Metropolis and was a bit late. The Chief commented on it saying that Superman was usually dead on time and that it must have been something important that delayed him.
Superman went on to explain that he had been flying across country when he saw Wonder Woman lying on a river bank flat on her back, stark naked and looking like she was ready for anything so he dropped down and jumped on for a little 'afternoon delight'.
The Chief said,"I bet that gave her a surprise', to which Superman replied, 'Not as much as the surprise I gave the Invisible Man!'


Apologies if this has appeared here previously, I can't remember where I got it from but recently told it to a couple of middle aged female friends discussing Marvel super heroes and they thought it was absolutely hilarious.

David

[aj.lec]

Retirement

Someone asked me, "and now that you are retired, do you still have a job?"

I replied, "Yes I am my wife's "sexual advisor."

"Somewhat shocked, they said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"

"Very simple. My wife has told me that when she wants my fu%#ing advice, she'll ask me for it."

[colin jones]

Joe Smith is on his deathbed, knows the end is near
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
So, he says to them:

"Bernie, I want you to take the Avenue Road houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Rosedale ."
"Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center Mall."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the Don Valley Ravine.

The nurse is just blown away by all this , and as Doug slips away, she says ,
"Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property? ... the asshole had a paper route!"

[motto (RIP)]

Got this in an email today.
The teacher asked the class to write down on a piece of paper the type of work the daddy did.
The children very excitedly scribbled their answers.
One by one, the teacher asked each child to stand and describe the job.
There was much laughter and screaming, that is apart from little Tommy.
'Tommy, why do you look so sad?' asked the teacher.
Tommy slowly rose to his feet and replied, 'My Dad's a stripper in a gay bar.' The other children remained silent as Tommy continued. 'Sometimes he doesn't come home and my Mummy sits crying. Sometimes he sells his body for other men's pleasure.' There were gasps around the classroom.
The teacher acted quickly and dismissed the children, telling them to go out and play.
She then walked up to little Tommy, put her arm around his shoulders and asked, 'Is all that true, Tommy?'
'No, not at all, Miss. He really plays cricket for England but I was too embarrassed to say.'