Some Funnies

[Howard]

Originally Posted by Alex Blair

...Next thing they will be gluing Vegemite bottles to them selves..which in this case would make her a lot more appealing...

Something like this?
Behold! Vegemite wrestling!

[aj.lec]

Finally, someone
has managed to photograph the
pot at the end of the rainbow!!!
Wouldn't you know it!

[aj.lec]

Did you know that Eagles mate for life?

Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years.
After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead!
Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate, but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier.
So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest.
The sex was good but all the dove would say is .....

'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'

Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.
He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is.......

'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!'
So out with the loon.

Once more he flew off to find a mate.
This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest. This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was.....


(scroll down)



NO, The duck didn't say THAT



.... Don't be SO disgusting!


The duck said....


'I am a DRAKE,
You made a MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!

[aj.lec]

The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE VERY SAME REASON!!!!!!!!

[Richard Farrant]

Originally Posted by aj.lec

Finally, someone
has managed to photograph the
pot at the end of the rainbow!!!
Wouldn't you know it!

You know the old saying....."where theres muck, theres money"

[Richard Coutts-Smith]

This would explain the taste ......

"This is a real sign, real advertising... BIG SPELLING MISTAKE!
Billboard on cnr Beaudesert and Granard Rds, Rocklea, Qld. Australia. Live Local? Check it out! Its becoming a tourist attraction with the locals and Brisbanites alike!! "

Rich

[hrpearce]

Richard, maybe it's a twisted way of saying the burgers are made with prime rump steak

[Kuno]

Recently in Bristol / UK:

[Ganmain Tony]

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Little India, formerly known as Australia .

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Australia 's third language

Kookaburra plague threatens North Western Australia crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica ... No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported into the USA legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Australia Post raises price of stamps to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

After 10-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of a Australian drops to 115 kgs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Vicindia and New South India.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Senate still blocking drilling in Canberra even though gas is selling for 4532 Rupees per litre and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Tasmania executes last remaining Greenie.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030 as lethal weapons.

Australian Tax Office sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Southern Asia (formerly Northern Territory ) voters still having trouble with voting machines.







I Love This Country!
It's The Government That Scares Me!