Some Funnies

[hrpearce]

Subject: Celibacy...


>
> Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling. Take celibacy, for
> example.
>
> This can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental
> factors.
>
> While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Robert and Susan
> listened to the instructor declare:
>
> "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are
> important to each other."
>
> He addressed the men in the group.-
>
> "Can you each name and describe your wife's favourite flower?"
>
> Robert leaned over, touched Susan's arm gently and whispered,
> "Self-raising, isn't it?"
>
> Thus began Robert's life of celibacy.....

[Barry Churcher]

A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.

After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were
equally qualified.


He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their
answer would determine which of them would get the job.


The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the
interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'


The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's
no warning.


'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he
asked the second man.


'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that
it ever happened. A BLINK is
the fastest thing I know of.'


'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliche for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was
contemplating his reply.


'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall
there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the
pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep,
TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.


The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he
had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.


Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the
same question.


Old BUBBA replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's
obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'


'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.


'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good,
and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON
THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'


BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!


You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now
on!...


--

[gjamo]

Military humour

[aj.lec]

1st Airforce downsizing ?
2nd I wonder if the terorists read signs ?
3rd New personal aircraft

[aj.lec]

1st What to do when you run out of ammo ?
2nd operation Desert glide
3rd smile

[aj.lec]

Who has been back to Temora again ?

[aj.lec]

dogs are moving with the times too
Now no longer only pointers but they are spotters as well