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Transcript of recent Iraq-USA Arms negotiation
USA: (Knock)
Saddam Hussein: Come in. USA: Ah, Is this the right place for disarmament? Saddam Hussein: I told you once that I've disarmed. USA: No you haven't. Saddam Hussein: I've already disarmed. USA: When? Saddam Hussein: Just now. USA: No you didn't. Saddam Hussein: Yes I did. USA: You didn't Saddam Hussein: I did! USA: You didn't! Saddam Hussein: I'm telling you I did! USA: You did not!! Saddam Hussein: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Do you mean full disarmament or just a couple of missiles? USA: Oh, full disarmament. Saddam Hussein: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did. USA: You most certainly did not. Saddam Hussein: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely disarmed. USA: No you did not. Saddam Hussein: Yes I did. USA: No you didn't. Saddam Hussein: Yes I did. USA: No you didn't. Saddam Hussein: Yes I did. USA: No you didn't. Saddam Hussein: Yes I did. USA: You didn't. Saddam Hussein: Did. USA: Oh look, this isn't compliance with UN Resolution 1441. Saddam Hussein: Yes it is. USA: No it isn't. It's just defiance. Saddam Hussein: No it isn't. USA: It is! Saddam Hussein: It is not. USA: Look, you just contradicted me. Saddam Hussein: I did not. USA: Oh you did!! Saddam Hussein: No, no, no. USA: You did just then. Saddam Hussein: Nonsense! USA: Oh, this is futile! Saddam Hussein: No it isn't. USA: I came here for a full accounting for destruction of your weapons. Saddam Hussein: No you didn't; no, you came here for compliance. USA: Compliance isn't just saying "I've disarmed." Saddam Hussein: It can be. USA: No it can't. Compliance is revealing and destroying weapons of mass destruction in full view of U.N. inspectors. Saddam Hussein: No it isn't. USA: Yes it is! It's not just empty statements. Saddam Hussein: Look, if I comply with the UN, I must say I've disarmed. USA: Yes, but full disarmament isn't just saying "I've disarmed." Saddam Hussein: Yes it is! USA: No it isn't! USA: Disarmament is an open process. Declarations of de-weaponizing absent records or hard evidence of actual destruction of WMDs is useless. Pause Saddam Hussein: No it isn't. USA: It is. Saddam Hussein: Not at all. USA: Now look. Saddam Hussein: (Rings bell) Good Morning. USA: What? Saddam Hussein: That's it. Good morning. USA: I was just getting started. Saddam Hussein: Sorry, the inspections are done. USA: That was never disarmament! Saddam Hussein: I'm afraid it was. USA: It wasn't. Pause Saddam Hussein: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowing inspections anymore. USA: What?! Saddam Hussein: If you want me to allow inspections, you'll have to pass another UN resolution. USA: Yes, but that was never compliance, just now. Oh come on! Saddam Hussein: (Hums) USA: Look, this is ridiculous. Saddam Hussein: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've passed another U.N. resolution. USA: Oh, all right. (passes 18th resolution against Iraq) Saddam Hussein: Thank you. Pause USA: Well? Saddam Hussein: Well what? USA: That wasn't really compliance, just now. Saddam Hussein: I told you, I'm not going to allow inspections unless you've passed a UN resolution. USA: I just did! Saddam Hussein: No you didn't. USA: I DID! Saddam Hussein: No you didn't.
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