[Alex Blair (RIP)]

This morning on the 401,

I looked over to my
left and there was a
WOMAN !!


in a brand new


VOLVO

doing 65 mph


with her
face up next to her


rear view mirror


putting on her eyeliner.


I looked away


for a couple seconds

and when I looked back she was

halfway over in my lane,

still working on that makeup.


As a man,


I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;

I dropped
my electric shaver,

which knocked

the donut

out of my other hand.
In all
the confusion of trying

to straighten out the car

using my knees against
the steering wheel,

it knocked


my cell phone

away from my ear

which fell

into the coffee

between my legs,

splashed,

and burned

Big Jim and the Twins,

ruined the damn phone,

soaked my pants,

and disconnected an
important call.

Damn women drivers