[Geoff Winnington-Ball (RIP)]

This was passed to me today... I thought it rather good:

"Umm Qasr is a city similar to Southampton," UK defence minister Geoff Hoon said in The Commons yesterday.

"He's either never been to Southampton, or he's never been to Umm Qasr," says a British Squaddie patrolling Umm Qasr. He added: "There's no beer, no prostitutes, and people are shooting at us. It's more like Portsmouth."