Some of us may need a too, he said, making another from some of the Dutch Mr.Dowe and Egbert's finest smoking material; and I still think "halfzware shag" suggests a bonk with your socks on, no matter what you say McSpool.

I don't think the EU would grant you anything for what you suggest, commendable it might be, in fact I have serious doubts if you'd even get the steam off their piss for free.

You might be better served with our National Lottery, a device where 20 million of the poorest people sponsor 250 of the richest to attent the Royal Opera House at Covent Garden. The latter organisation already funded to 90 million pa by the arts council from my taxes, further millions on demand from govt direct and another multi-million wedge from the lottery.

Reading the list of lottery payouts is interesting, the RBL have been refused many times along with many other sane and worthy causes.

However, a group publishing guidance books for the correct use of PC language when dealing with homosexual and lesbian groups got a goodly wedge along with an organisation helping Chilean farmers to improve the production of guinea pigs for human consumption. This is but a crumb of the whole bizarre scenario.

Obscene waste I call it, but then everyone else thinks I'm a cantankerous and awkward arse-hole.

Admittedly they did put 250K of loose change into Bovvy's Tiger 1 but have driven the programme to the detriment of three exploded Maybach V12s.

They wouldn't give Mrs Notton 4K towards the 80K rebuild of the Shirrell Heath scout hut, razed to the ground by a known teenage, female arsonist who got piqued by being picked up for questioning.

I think I'm recognising the onset of FV623 transmission problems in a parallel personal way now. Best bugger off for a T and before I loose it completely.

R.