Paddy and Murphy fancied a pint but only had 1 pound between them. Paddy went off and bought a sausage and Murphy says "are you mad" now we're skint! Come on says Paddy, follow me. They go into a pub, order two pints and drink them before they have to pay. Paddy shoved the sausage through the zipper of his trousers and tells Murphy to get down and suck it.
The Barman went absolutely berserk and throws them out then after ten more pubs and ten more pints Murphy says.. "I can't do this anymore, my knees hurt and i'm pissed.
How do you think I feel? Says Paddy, I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.!!:blink:

A beautiful woman walks into a bar. She saunters up to a man who is sitting by himself in the corner.

The man is taken aback by the fact that such a stunning woman is approaching him. She sits down next to him and whispers to the man: “For $200, I’ll do anything you want.”

The man raises his eyebrows, saying: “Anything?”

“Anything.” She nods.

The man slides his hand into his wallet and pulls out $200 cash. He slams it on the table and says to the woman, “Here. Rebuild the engine in my CMP.”

and did she ???

Should the U.S. Build Trump’s Mexican Wall?
 

Should the U.S. Build Trump’s Mexican Wall?

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it,

But the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenteritis’ had sort of a gut feeling about it,

But the Neurologists thought Trump had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception,

While the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"

While the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!”

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,

While the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing

And the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter.”

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,

But the Urologists were off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas,

And those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington!